


A Sky Full of Stars (Doesn't Shine As Bright As You)

by lucipherer (mysticstargirl)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Dan's just a boy, Fireflies, GHOST BOYS, Growing Up, M/M, Magic, Phil is a spirit, Sad, Spirit World, here we go again, read warnings, spirit festivals, unless you know my works already of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:53:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7225003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticstargirl/pseuds/lucipherer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can't be touched." Phil says, blue eyes reflecting fireflies like a million stars in the sky at daybreak. "If a human touches me, I'll disappear." </p><p>"Disappear?" Dan asks, who's at the remarkably curious age of seven years. "Will you come back?" </p><p>"No, I'll be gone forever."</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Sky Full of Stars (Doesn't Shine As Bright As You)

**Author's Note:**

> i wish to redeem myself after the horrific monstrosity that was Black And White ok thanks
> 
> note: this is basically Hotarubi No Mori E just fyi.

It's when Dan is seven years old that he first meets the starry-eyed spirit. 

He'd gone off, run towards the blinking stars in the wood, the ones that flit around and beckoned him to join them. 

It didn't take long for a tiny child to be lost in a big forest, and it took even lesser for the child to become afraid. 

He must have wandered for hours, following the fireflies for fear of the darkness, when he finally saw him. 

The spirit was tall, pale and lanky with hair darker than the shadows of the trees. Eyes clear as day glowed from holes in a strange, scary half-mask, and he was draped in cloths of white and ghostly blue. 

Dan had been terrified- spirits were known to be wicked things, mischievous things, tempting men off cliffs and women into lakes and rivers, whisking children off in the night to cook and eat. 

So he ducked behind a bush, gripped his sleeves, and he shook. 

_Please just go past me, please, don't notice me, don't notice me..._

A white masked face popped over the top of the brush, and Dan shrieked and leaped back. 

The spirit let out a sound of equal alarm and jumped back as well, eyes wide. 

The spirit and the boy stared at each other, fear and shock in both of their eyes. The boy trembled, eyes wide, and the spirit watched him. 

"Please don't eat me." The boy with brown eyes clutched the sleeves of his jacket tightly. "I'm not very tasty, really. I don't exercise very much and I'm a little chubby but it's probably not very good for you to eat kids that have a lot of fat..." He rambles, breathlessly. 

The spirit blinked. 

"I'm not going to eat you." The spirit said quietly, his skin and clothes glowing with the moonlight, eyes calm as he observed the boy.

"You're not?" 

"No. Why in the world would I do _that_?" 

Dan frowned, his fingers loosening in his jacket. 

"That's what spirits do, right?" 

The masked spirit tilts his head, blinks twice, then laughed. 

It was a warm laugh, something about it soft and sweet and kind, different from what the boy would expect. At least, different from the scary stories of evil spirits his uncle had told him to keep him from wandering too far. 

"Don't worry, little bear." The spirit crouched in front of him, and Dan could see smiling eyes shine from behind the mask. "I won't eat you." 

"You won't?" 

He shook his head, chuckling gently again. 

"What a curious little bear you are." 

Dan takes several deep breaths, then stood, still looking rather scared.

"I'm staying at my uncle's house this summer. My name is Dan." He said, politely, and held out a hand. 

The spirit recoiled so sharply that he jumped as well, and they were back to staring at each other. 

"I can't touch humans," The spirit murmured, softly. "Or I'll disappear." 

"Disappear?" Dan asked, eyes wide. 

The spirit nodded. "Poof." He said, splaying out his fingers in front of him to mime the action. "Just like that. Gone." 

"Well, do you come back?" The tiny child asked, curiously. 

"Nope. Never. I'm gone forever." 

The boy with brown eyes frowned. "I'm sorry. I didn't know that." 

More soft laughter, the one that made the fireflies dance around them and the moonflowers to turn towards them. 

"My name is Phillip. It's nice to meet you, Dan." 

"Phillip." The boy said, then smiled. "Nice to meet you too!" 

Phillip the spirit grinned, eyes crinkling up. 

"Are you lost, bear?" He asked, soft. 

Dan nodded nervously. "I was following the stars." 

"The stars?" 

"The moon bugs." Dan pointed to the flittering lights around them. "They were leading me here." 

"To get you eaten?" Phillip teased. 

Dan blushed. 

"Come on. Little ones like you shouldn't be out this late." Phillip reached down, picked up a thick branch. "Here, hold one end. I'll take you home." 

The boy grabbed on. "Thank you, Mr. Phillip Spirit." 

The spirit laughed again. 

"Just call me Phil." 

"Thank you, Phil." Dan said obediently, and the masked man smiled once again, before heading towards the edge of the forest. 

\-----------------

It took a while for them to reach the edge of the woods, when Phil turned and pointed towards the town a little ways away. 

"That's where you live, right?" 

Dan had beamed, reached out to hug Phil, and Phil had leaped back. 

"Oh... I'm sorry. I forgot." The boy looks _ashamed_ and Phil just shrugs easily. 

"No worries, little bear. Go on then. Off you go. Time for all good cubs to be in bed." 

"Would it be okay if I came to visit, Phil?" The boy turns big brown eyes to the spirit, begging. 

"Now why would you want to visit a decrepit old soul like me in a scary forest?" 

"You're amazing. Amazing-Phil!" Dan giggles, warmth in every inch of his skin, crinkles of chocolate in his eyes and dimples deeper than any lake in the entire woods.

Phil can't help but to smile back. 

"Well if that's what you believe, you are welcome to come see me whenever you would like, bear." 

Dan beams, shines like the sun, and Phil feels warmth in his chest like he hasn't in a long time. 

\------------------

Dan visits again, and again and again- every day for a month, the boy shows up at the forest with a beaming grin.

Phil is always there to greet him with a warm smile, and the boy beams back like the sun, dimpled and shy but unabashed; it pleases the spirit to no end, every time. 

They walk between trees, each holding one end of a stick, and Phil points out birds and bugs while Dan admires the flowers that grow where Phil steps. 

He takes his mask off once, places it beside him to watch the fireflies dance around them- when the boy notices, he grabs the mask and refuses to give it back until Phil swears he won't wear it around him. 

"That's not fair! You smile nicer than _anybody_!" Dan had cried, holding the ivory mask in his hands. "You gotta _share_ nice things, that's what my mom told me!" 

Phil admits it, he'd blushed, turned red like the scarlet anemones that lined the path to the creek. _Children_ couldn't pull lines like that, and yet Phil was hooked and drowning. 

"Fine." Dan had giggled at that, pleased to no end, and Phil kept the mask tied to his pants. 

"Why do you wear the mask? You look human." The boy asks, observing the plain mask hanging from Phil's side. It was unadorned, but something about it was otherwordly in the way it glowed cobalt in a forest of greens and browns. 

"Well I hardly look like a spirit without it, do I?" The spirit says, and Dan stares up at him. 

"That's true." 

"And then, clumsy, wandering little bears like you could accidentally touch me." 

Dan blushes, fiddling with his fingers, staring at the ground. 

"I'm sorry." 

"There's no need for that. It was starting to get uncomfortable anyway." 

\-----------------

"What happens when you disappear?" Dan asks, when they're sitting between the trees, watching the animals around the lake. The little creek bubbles quietly, and occasionally a doe or excited squirrel breaks the seemingly endless peace around them. Everything is shades of green, beautiful flowers dotting the view like drops of paint beneath an easel or stars sprinkled across the sky. 

"I die." Phil murmurs, and Dan turns to look, _really look_ at the spirit. 

"That would _suck_." He says, turning back towards the creek, and Phil laughs out loud at the unexpected answer. 

The birds startle and sing along at the sound, and it's like the wind and the water all swell with it, too. 

Dan's a little mesmerized by the whole thing, really. 

"Yes," The spirit manages finally, brushing some hair, black like soot away with slender, pale fingers. "That really would." 

"Promise to never touch me, okay?" The boy says, and Phil turns to give him an amused grin. "Don't patronize me! I'm serious!" 

"Those are big words, Danny boy." The spirit lilts teasingly. 

"Promise." The boy huffs, cheeks pink with his indignance. 

Phil gazes for a moment, at the boy- he's little in stature, a little lanky, but as round-faced and rosy cheeked as any child should be. He has curly brown hair, dimples, and an occasional freckle littered marked his skin like berries dotted the bushes in autumn, or leaves on trees in winter. His eyes are wide as they stare up at him, earnest and shining and as solemn as those amber eyes can get, and he gives a small sigh, half of exasperation but mostly of fondness.

"Cross my heart," He says, raising a finger to do exactly that, never once breaking eye contact. "And hope not to die." 

Dan _shines_ at the words, so brightly so that for a second Phil can hardly believe he's seeing it. Has anyone smiled like that at him before? 

The boy seems pleased with the answer, then, because he turns back to the babbling little brook, letting his head loll to the side to rest against his little shoulder. 

"Good." 

The silence isn't really silent at all, but it's pleasant. 

\--------------------

"I have to leave tomorrow." The small child says, woefully. 

Phil raises an eyebrow, ignores the plummet of his heart when he hears it. "Do you?" 

"Yeah. Summer's nearly over, and I need to go back to Wokingham. I need to go back to school." The boy looks miserable as he says it, eyes watery, cheeks red with trying to hold back tears. 

"I thought you hated school." The may not be used to being around _humans_ , but he knows how to be around _Dan/_. He wonders what it will be like without the boy here.

"I do!" He cries, upset. "The other kids, they don't like me! I don't like them either." 

"Now, what's not to like about you?" 

Dan turns pink but he shrugs. 

"So. Is this goodbye?" Phil asks, and it hurts somewhere deep inside of him to say it. 

"No!" Dan stands, and when he does he's just taller than Phil, sitting in the grass. "I'll come back! Every summer, I will." 

Warmth eases the ache in his chest and the spirit smiles. "Will you now?" 

"Every year! I'll always come see you." The boy stares down at Phil solemnly, eyes wide and shining. 

"Can you promise me that?" It's a little selfish to ask that of a child, but the spirit indulges himself. 

"Promise! Pinky swear I will. I'll always come back to you." 

The trees rustle and the flowers duck about curiously as the boy declares it, loud for anything in the forest to hear. 

The next day, Dan doesn't come back. But just in case, Phil stands hidden by the flowers and waits until the sun starts to drop.

\-------------------

Just like that, Dan keeps finding his way back to the forest, every summer without fail.

The spirit is there to greet him- he feels a swoop in his chest when he sees the boy again, the bright eyes and pale skin and brown hair. Dan starts running when he sees Phil, every time. It's kind of adorable.

The boy is breathless as he slows to a stop in front of Phil, but he looks so impossibly happy that Phil grins like a fool. "I missed you." 

"I missed you too, little bear." Phil says. 

Dan _glows._

\------------------

Phil doesn't age so much as a day since that very first night he met Dan, but the boy doesn't seem concerned, only excited. 

"I'll be as tall as you soon, y'know?" He beams at his best friend, still shining amber eyes and dimples as deep as the woods. "Even taller!" 

"Psh, as if." Phil grins, delightedly, and he taps at Dan's shoulder with a long reed from the riverside. "You'll never be as tall as me, I'm _enormous_." 

Dan's still the doe-like age of fifteen, but Phil can see the signs of growth in him- his limbs are just a little longer, the jaw a bit more defined. There's a drop to his voice that _definitely_ wasn't there before. He still smiles the same absent-minded smile, and the dimples are as present as ever. 

Phil gazes at the boy thoughtfully as he leans back on the rock they're sitting on, soaking in sunlight as Dan's feet sway absently in the water, occasionally giving a little splash to watch the fish that have curiously gathered by his toes flicker away. 

Phil doesn't dip his feet in, but sits a comfortable distance from his friend. They're used to it now, their movements practiced as they spend time together. Never any sudden movements, never too close where it could be dangerous. Dan doesn't startle at a sound and reach for his hand or try to duck behind Phil, only grins at him and gestures for his attention. 

A small part of Phil craves contact, to feel Dan's skin against his. He imagines it would be warm, warm like the rocks after a day in the sun, warm like squirrels sitting curiously against his arms, warm like the breath of a bear against his shoulder. Pleasant, probably- softer than the nose of a young fawn against his cheek or the occasional wolf's tail brushing past his ankles or knees. 

He can't feel the sun seeping into his skin- the wind feels no different from the leaves that drag across his skin with it, and the water would as well, no doubt. 

Phil wants to _feel_ , selfish though it may be. He thinks it would be worth it, to be able to touch Dan, hug him, pat his hand or ruffles his hair or hold his hand, and disappearing. 

But it would hurt Dan, and Phil could _never_ do that, not when Dan smiles at him like he's hung the very moon. 

So he just grins back at whatever silly thing the boy might have said, says silly things right back about birds or beetles or butterflies. 

\--------------------

When Dan turns seventeen, Phil greets him with a gift. 

They don't usually celebrate his birthday, even if its in summer- Dan doesn't like celebrating it when neither of them know Phil's birthday.

He watches the boy's eyes go round with surprise, then with joy, as he looks from the little plant in his hands and then to Phil. 

"Happy Birthday, loser." The blue-eyed man whispers, and Dan lets out a half-shriek of joy and puts the potted plant down (the pot was courtesy of a young wandering spirit by the name of Louise- she was a sweetheart, if fairly new to this whole half-existing thing). 

Then he stands, grinning, and hesitates. "Oh." 

Phil hates the way the boy's face falls, the way the brightness fades like only the loveliest flowers do come dusk, as the realization settles heavy over both of them. 

Dan wanted to _hug_ him. 

"That's," He laughs, reaching up to scratch his cheek. "That's awkward. Sorry, Phil." 

The spirit half wants to scream, half wants to cry, but he just smiles instead, shaking his head. "It's alright. I appreciate the sentiment." 

The human boy in front of him looks, for a moment, just like the seven year old that had wandered into the forest all those years ago. 

"Thank you." He says, picking up the plant, and he hugs it against his chest, ignoring the dirt that gets on his dark sweater. "I love it." 

As he watches the way the boy stares down at the flower in his hands like it's something _precious_ , Phil thinks that Dan could ask for the very moon and he would do his damnedest to get it to him.

"No problem. C'mon, bear, off we go." 

\-----------

They take a longer route, the one that goes farther around the lake than usual- if Dan notices, he doesn't say a word. 

They can walk side by side now, with a smaller stick between them, because really, the brown-haired boy is getting to be quite tall and Felix (who is far closer to the spirits Dan had at first imagined than any other Phil has every interacted with) has said, _several times_ , that they really do look ridiculous "skipping around the woods like two giant, noisy giraffes attached by a stick". 

Felix isn't really _eloquent_ , but he's family. 

Dan doesn't seem to mind, anywho. 

The view this way around is _fantastic_ , because there's a hill; it's not high, but the view is still great, because the wood can be seen for _miles_ \- and Phil likes to sit on the peak and watch the sun set over the tips of the trees.

"Holy shit." Is what the boy says when they reach the view, eyes wide as he stares out at the trees. 

"There's nicer words to use, you know." Phil smiles as he watches Dan roll his eyes halfheartedly. 

"Sorry, _mom_." 

Phil laughs. 

"Do your chores! Get good grades! Brush before you sleep! Eat your vegetables!" He chants, playfully, and Dan throws him a glare. 

"You're awful." 

"You're worse." 

The boy laughs. "Fair enough." 

The air between them is feather light- Phil wants to reach out and touch Dan's face, gentle, wants to feel skin and hair and wants to prod a bit at the dimples there. 

It's easy, and peaceful, and they're both so lighthearted in this moment. Thinking back, Phil knows it's what had distracted him from what had happened. He should've acted quicker. 

For a second, Dan is there- and then he isn't. 

There's a yelp, wide amber eyes, and Phil reaches out on pure instinct to grab Dan's hand as he trips backwards towards the steep decline- and Dan snatches his hand away at the last moment, doesn't let the their fingers so much as _graze_ as he slams into the dirt and rolls back a little ways, sliding down the half grassy, half rocky hillside and stopping near the bottom, looking startled. 

"Dan!" Phil gasps, tries to rush down the hill and trips himself, tumbling down. He sees Dan let out a shriek and dart up to get out of his way. 

They're both at the bottom of the hill now, Dan half-sitting up and Phil laying upside down with his legs still against the hillside. 

The two stare at each other breathlessly. 

Dan's hair is a _mess_ , ruffled and filled with leaves and dirt, his cheek smudged with it, and there's red blooming in his shirt where his sleeve is. 

"Dan!" Phil says again, doing his best to sit up with his lanky frame, before hurrying over. He reaches out to touch the boy but stops himself, instead choosing to frown at the bright blood against the pale skin of Dan's arm "You're bleeding!" 

"Phil," Dan breathes, eyes wide as he stares at him. "Phil, that was _dangerous_." 

"Well of _course_ it was dangerous, you could've _broken_ something!" The spirit snaps, worrying his lip, his hands itching to reach out and check the wound on the human's shoulder. "Jesus, do you even--" 

" _No,_ Phil, do _you_ even realize?!" Dan interrupts him sharply, then takes a deep breath, scooting away from Phil. "You almost touched me." 

"Well, I was going to _catch_ you--" 

"You _promised!_ " Dan shouts the words, glaring at him. 

"I-- I'm sorry, I..." Phil admits, he didn't expect the boy to be so upset by this. 

"You can't leave me too, okay? I know, like," The boy stares at the ground, at the scratches on his palms. "I know that's really selfish, and. And awful, but..." He turns to the spirit, eyes wide and sad. "Please don't... please don't let me kill you." 

Phil's eyes are wide as he watches beautiful eyes fill up with tears.

" _Dan,_ " He says, achingly gentle, and the boy just shakes his head, cheeks ruddy with embarrassment and tears. "Dan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it's okay, I'll never leave you. You won't kill me, bear, you wouldn't hurt a fly..." 

"But because I'm _human_ ," Dan cries, angrily rubbing away tears, and Phil wants to pull his hands away from how roughly he's wiping his face. "Because I'm _human_ I have the power to kill you! And you don't deserve that, you're so good, you're the _best_ person I've ever met and you don't deserve to die and no one should have that power over you because that _sucks_ that you can't even get a hug when you're sad and I can't hold your hand, I'm being stupid but _honestly,_ you deserve to be held and kissed and loved a lot and I want to, I _want_ to--" 

Phil sighs; that's what it was, that's what it is- and he smiles helplessly. 

Because really,, who'll help this boy when he's gone, he wonders, eyes impossibly soft as he gazes at him cry for Phil. Who will take care of this soft little child? 

"Dan," He murmurs. "Bear." 

He looks up, eyes and nose and cheeks red, and Phil gives a soft huff of laughter. "C'mon, Dan. Up you get, let's get you cleaned up, right?" 

He nods. 

Phil leads Dan to the creek, and Dan washes dirt out of his hair and blood out of his shirt. The spirit watches.

And, just like he always has, he leads him home. 

\---------------

Another winter passes and the flowers bloom again- Phil is there to greet his boy as he has been every year. 

Dan spends a little time every few days bemoaning being plagued by the horrors of public education. 

"I hate school. High school is awful." Dan whines, and Phil just smiles. 

The boy's gangly, lanky and long and lean- Phil admires the gentle swell of his chest and the graceful arch of his neck that leads from collarbones to a prominent jawline. He wears dark clothing, for the most part, and his hair's longer now. Dan straightens it meticulously; the spirit teases him for it, but he wants to run his fingers through them regardless. 

"Well lucky for you, it's almost over, isn't it?" He asks, softly. 

"I'm graduating in a week," Dan laughs, breathlessly. His eyes shine a little, and Phil wants to lean over and kiss him where he lies in the grass. "And then I can come see you all the _time_!" 

The thought brings warmth to the clearing where they sit; for a moment it seems as though the sky is bluer, the grass greener, the flowers more vibrant. 

"That would be great, Dan." 

"Yeah." 

The thing is, they probably spend most of their time together- but hell if either of them could ever actually name what they did. 

"You know, the week after you graduate," Phil begins, turning to look at Dan. "There's going to be a spirit festival in this forest. You should come." 

The human's eyes get wide and curious, as they always do when he sights something different and new. "A spirit festival?" 

"Yup. The first one in a century, I think. Maybe two?" Phil grins, watching the boy's eyes begin to sparkle with his excitement, like the very stars had fallen and dropped into amber irises. "At night. We enjoy mimicking humans." 

"You'll take me?" He asks, beaming. 

"Of course. And don't worry, I'll be there to protect you." 

"I don't need protecting!"

Dan halfheartedly glares at Phil, then plops back down, happily. 

"Fuck, I love you." He says, grinning. 

"I love you too." Phil murmurs, but it's lost in the wind and the flowers hear it instead. 

\----------------------

So, as it always has been, the spirit watches Dan walk away for the last time that summer, and stands in the same spot until the boy is completely gone from view. 

Even after the thousands of years of being in this forest, summer could never come fast enough. 

\---------------------

The next summer, Dan shows up early, and he's _tall_ , taller than Phil, and his hair isn't even straightened. 

The curls send the spirit's (granted, not actually _real_ ) heart into palpitations. Phil just gapes at the boy in front of him, who nearly towers over him but still grins down at him with the same puppyish smile he always has. 

"I'm back, Phil!" 

The spirit can hardly form words, but lets his face split into a grin. 

"Welcome home, bear." 

\--------------------

The spirit festival happens at night, when the moon is fuller and brighter than any other night; fairy lights are strung from tree to tree, the moonflowers gleam and the forest is _bustling_ with spirits. 

The spirit ties a bright red string around his wrist, and holds out the other end to Dan. He takes it, gingerly, and ties it around his own wrist. 

"So you don't get lost." He says in explanation at Dan's curious look.

"Stay close, okay?" Phil murmurs, and Dan nods, wide eyed as he stares at the beautiful sight around them. 

Everything glows golden or blue, and there's chattering, laughter, the whistling of winds and young spirits playing lutes. Fireflies, hundreds of them, light up the trees and clearing, and even the little creek seems to be full of stars. 

"God, this place looks _beautiful_ ," The human says, breathlessly, at the lit up stands selling- "Is that _food_?"

"Yes. Believe or not, Daniel, some spirits do have to eat." Phil teases, and Dan turns pink, his ears alight with the color of roses, but he grins, and surrounded by all these light he looks _amazing_. Phil wants to cry, a little. 

Despite his height there are spirits that are _enormous_ around them, one that looks like a bear, another that walks with it's shoulders above the trees. 

"This is incredible. Phil!" Dan glows brighter than anything else here tonight. Phil can't look away, because his heart is trying to crawl out of his chest, because all the air is stolen from his lungs and all the stars in the sky have fallen and rest on Dan, _in_ Dan... 

He wants to hold him, he wants to touch him, brush their fingertips together, feel his hair and cheeks and lips, he wants to, he wants to, he _wants_. 

"Phil?" 

"Yeah. It is, isn't it?" A laugh, a confused smile, but Dan doesn't push- he tugs at Phil's mask still hanging from his trousers. 

"C'mon, you gotta show me everything." 

\----------------

At the end of the night, Dan and Phil stand at the edge of the festival in comfortable silence as it winds down. 

The moon is dropping and the sky is streaks of gold-pink-indigo, and stars still glitter in the sky. It's just light enough that Dan can see Phil's face clearly, the long eyelashes and gleaming blue eyes, pale skin and hair darker than the forest at night. 

"That was _amazing_." He says, soft, and Phil turns to smile at him. 

"I'm glad you liked it." 

Comfortable seconds of silence trickle between them, and Dan speaks up again first. 

"When- When I graduate, I'm going to get a job here. My," He swallows when the spirit gazes at him curiously. "My uncle said I can work up here with him until I figure out what I want to do." He smiles. "Then I can be with you more. Not just summer anymore, either. Isn't that great?" 

"Dan." Phil's face was serious, and something in the human's stomach twisted with worry. "Listen to me, will you?" 

"Yeah." 

"I'm not just a spirit, not really. I got lost in these woods just like you did when I was a child." Dan listens with rapt attention, and Phil speaks the words soft, like they're something he's ashamed of. "I died here." 

"Phil," He says. 

" _Dan._ The spirits here, they found me and cast a spell on my soul." Phil's eyelashes flutter when he blinks and Dan finds himself distracted by them momentarily. "I'm basically a ghost." 

Dan doesn't know what to say. 

"And Dan, bear." Phil smiles then, gently. "It's okay if you forget about me, you know. I'm barely kept alive by the magic in these woods. I'm fragile- if our fingertips were to brush by accident, the spell will break and I'd disappear. How long until--" 

"You'll disappear when you're touched. Like snow, right?" Dan interrupts, because he can't bear to listen to what he knows is coming. "Phil, I thought of you when it snowed, in the winter. I thought about you in autumn, and in the spring. Everything makes me think of you." 

Phil breathes out softly, and the breeze in the woods weaves between the trees with it. 

"I hate waiting for summer to come." Phil admits, a tiny, bitter smile gracing his lips. "When you're gone, you're all I think about. I want to be with you, even though I can never leave this forest."

"Phil." Dan turns fully to face him, silhouetted against the rising sun. "You won't forget about me, will you? One day, when I'm gone, when you're in this forest still decades or centuries since I've come back." 

"Never." 

"But, I mean." The boy laughs then, slightly awkwardly. "I'm only eighteen. There's still plenty of time left for us." 

Phil smiles. 

"Yeah." They turn to the sun again, as it's now climbing the sky and bathing everything fiery orange, and more silence passes. 

"Hey, actually..." Phil unties the mask from his side. "Here." 

Dan blinks. 

"Keep it. It's yours." 

The boy grins. 

"Thanks." 

Phil starts walking and Dan follows, as they head towards the edge of the forest again, leaving the festival behind them. 

Dan doesn't understand why this feels like goodbye. Would Phil wait for him next year, as he always has without fail? Is this their last summer? 

Giggling children interrupt his thoughts as two of them go running past- Dan had been confused at first, but Phil explained that some spirits take on the form of children. One of the trips and Phil reaches out, grabbing his arm before he falls. 

"Are you okay?" Dan asks the boy, who stands quickly and smiles at him. 

"Yes, thank you!" The kid runs after his friend, waving goodbye. Dan watches him disappear out of sight before he turns to Phil. 

Something is wrong. Phil looks surprised, and he's staring at his hand. Dan blinks, furrows his eyebrows, and he sees exactly what is happening. 

His heart drops. 

Phil's hand is shimmering, spots of gold like dozens of fireflies are floating up from his skin. 

"Phil?" 

Dan is so _confused_ , and suddenly he isn't- he turns to stare in horror at the spot where the two children had disappeared, before turning back to Phil. 

Oh god, oh god. 

Human children could've blend into the festival so _easily_ , how could Dan not have noticed?! 

"They were human." He says, weakly. 

Phil's glowing now, like the moon, like the stars, like the reflection of the sun on the river, glittering. He turns to Dan with a smile. 

"Come here, bear." He holds out his arms, his shimmering arms. "I can finally touch you." 

Dan drops the mask, and his heart drops with it, hears it hit the dirt with a soft sound that shatters his entire world. He leaps into Phil's arms, throwing his long limbs around him and grabbing fistfulls of his shirt. He holds tight, squeezes, like letting go will cause _disaster_ , like letting go will kill him. 

He can't _believe_ this is _happening_.

"Phil. Phil. Phil." Dan chokes out, his voice barely above a whimper. "Phil, _please_. You can't leave me, you can't--" 

All these years, all this time, Dan being so, _so_ careful not to even brush against him. All the times he was warned against touching him, all those times he had to physically grab himself from reaching out to Phil. All those long months he spent _away_ from Phil, wishing with everything in his heart to be able to touch the spirit, to _feel_ him. 

And now he could. Now he _is_. 

So why does it hurt so much? 

The last thing he feels is warm arms, wrapping around him before Phil disappears, fades like stardust in his arms. With nothing to hold on to, he falls to his knees, still feeling the warmth of Phil's hand in his hair and his forehead against his cheek. He clutches the ivory robe in his shaking hands.

Dan doesn't remember how long he spent sitting there, arms out in front of him like he's waiting for Phil to come back. He cries, and he cries and cries and _cries_ , until there are no more tears left to fall. He must have cried more tears than there were stars in the sky that night. 

He vaguely remembers the voices of other spirits calling to him, too. Spirits that Phil had introduced him to during the festival. 

"Thank you Dan." The voices, there's many, come from all directions at once, even though he can see the forms of the spirits in front of him. "For loving him." 

He doesn't remember how he got home either, mask hanging loosely from his fingers, collapsing into his bed just before his uncle's alarm clock would ring. 

(Thinking back on it, there might have been two spirits leading him home- the small one with curly hair and eyes ghostly blue, who was holding hands with the taller one with dark hair and green, _green_ eyes.)

\-------------

It took a long time for Dan to look forward to summer again- sometimes it still felt like his heart was falling to pieces in his chest, and the sound of leaves rustling and rivers trickling made goosebumps rise on his arms. 

But time went on without Phil, even in that forest that seemed to revolve around the spirit. 

So Dan goes on as well. And he hopes that one day, he will look back on those years and only smile.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if ive managed to redeem myself from **thanks for reading leave a kudo or a comment if you hate me now (or even if you dont hate me please love me)**


End file.
